Just Joking
by RainbowBob
Summary: That's right, the Joker, otherwise known as the Clown Prince of Crime, the Harlequin of Hate, and the White Duke of Death, is now in Equestria. Will this unpredictable, murderous psychopath learn the true magic of friendship and abandon his old ways? Or will his arrival kick off an unstoppable crime spree to shape Equestria in his own image? Like I said, the Joker is unpredictable.


_Finally! Took you morons long enough to make a fic about me. For Pete's sake, they've made a Hulk and a Wolverine crossover, but nothing with me in it. There's even a couple of stories with that fourth-wall breaking pinhead Deadpool!_

Well Deadpool is pretty popular. Plus his fourth-wall breaking ability is very similar to a particular someone on the show.

_Pull-leaze, I've broken, stabbed, and blown up the fourth wall way before these new guys. And did I get my own story? No!_

Um, sorry to hear about that Joker. Hopefully this fic will be to your liking.

_It better! Seriously, the lack of DC fans in this fandom is shocking. And on that subject, what the hell am I being crossovered with anyway?_

I'm pretty sure crossovered isn't a real word.

_Answer the question!_

It's My Little Pony.

_... You gotta be kidding me._

You knew about those other fics! How could you not know what you're being crossovered with? Dammit, I used that word.

_That's besides the point! You're crossing me over with a show about a bunch of magical midget horses made for six year old girls!_

Actually, if you watched a couple of episodes I'm sure you'd enjoy it.

_Forget it. I've been with worse. Much worse._

... Okay then. Hopefully you'll have a real fun time in the magical land of Equestria.

_Please tell me they don't name everything there with horse puns._

...

_Ugh. Fine, I can live with that. At least make it interesting._

Sure thing! I'm going to make it everyone rated and a romance and-

_Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone. The words "The Joker" and "everyone" never appear in the same sentence, unless the word "kills" is in the middle. Make it Mature, and the only romance I do is with my Harley, so I'm not going to fuck one of those horses._

I can drop the romance tag, but I don't think people will be comfortable with a gritty and super violent Joker.

_Oh come on, in the New 52 I get my face cut off and people were cool with that._

Look Joker, I just want to make a good Joker fic without making it seem too Cupcakeish.

_And you said I make up words. Plus, I've read Cupcakes, and I've done much worse in a typical afternoon stroll in the park._

Wait, how'd you read it if you... forget it. You're going to be teen rated and that's final.

_At least do it with the 1940's me._

Say what now?

_Back then I could kill whoever I want and be as racist and sexist as I want. The Golden Age when Asians mixed their L's and R's. Heck, even the writing back then was shit, with plot holes bigger than a gay man's anus! You'd be perfect for the job!_

First off, I don't know if that metaphor is offensive or not, and second, I can too write a semi-believable story with the Joker in Equestria.

_Whatever you say. As long as I get a good laugh and cause as much chaos as possible. And don't you dare use the Silver age me. I couldn't kill anyone with that blasted Comics Code up._

Fine then. Whoa, we've been talking a lot.

_That's great! Now you don't have to make a crappy prologue, just mix it with this one in a huge chapter._

I guess that works. Better get started on the story.

_And make it snappy!_

* * *

"What a beautiful day to go shopping!" Joker said, before shooting a policeman between the eyes. Stepping over the fallen officer's corpse, the Joker entered the bank/coffee shop he intended to rob. Just another typical afternoon in Gotham city.

Arriving at the counter, the Joker flashed his trademark Cheshire smile that terrified the bank teller and everyone else in the room that had been sipping their cappuccinos a second ago.. "I'd like to withdraw five hundred thousand macaroons with a frappuccino, no milk with plenty of sugar and foam."

While the teller quickly complied with the Joker's demands, the robber in question was whistling a catchy tune while nonchalantly spinning his revolver with his index finger. The occupants of the bank/coffee shop were too frightened to dare escape, instead focusing on the revolver that was dangerously close to being fired.

The sweating teller finally arrived with a sack bulging with paper bundles in one hand and a frappuccino in the other. Grabbing the frappuccino out of the man's hand, the Joker took a tentative sip.

"Mmm, tasty," the Joker said, his smile now coated with foam. But his smile fell, replaced with a disappointed frown. "But I can definitely taste milk." The Joker aimed his revolver at the teller's head and pulled the trigger, blasting the poor man's brains across the wall. "That cost you your tip."

Throwing his frappuccino over his shoulder, the Joker snatched the bag of ill gotten gain and made his way to the exit, not before saying to the terror stricken crowd, "Can't seem to find any good service nowadays!" He departed, laughing.

Outside the bank/coffee shop however, was a full squad of police cars on the busy street corner with officers directing their guns at the villain. Commissioner Gordon pulled out a megaphone, shouting, "The jig is up Joker! You're surrounded!"

"Jig? What jig are you talking about Commissioner? Usually I do the waltz, tango, heck, I've even dabbled in the macarena from time to time. But I would never sink so low as to dance a jig, whatsoever," the Joker said, not in the least intimidated by all the guns pointing at him.

Gordon turned to the sniper on his right and whispered, "Prepare to fire on my mark," The Commissioner walked forward towards the dangerous maniac, all the time keeping his pistol level with the Joker's head. "Surrender now and no one has to get hurt."

Chuckling under his breath, the Joker pulled out a pocket watch from his vest, glancing at the time. "While I would love to continue this Gordy dear, I have an appointment to keep. Can't keep Batman waiting forever now, can we?" The Joker's smile grew even bigger, reaching inhumanely from ear to ear.

Closing the pocket watch and placing it back in his vest, he gave a bow to the crowd of police officers and Gordon himself. Then, quicker than the sniper could fire, the Joker activated the hidden switch in his vest, causing a thick, green gas to emit from the flower on his suit.

"Everyone run for it! Joker gas!" the Commissioner shouted, before taking a shot at the disappearing figure in the green gas. Before he could fire again, he abandoned his spot to escape the toxic gas now drifting down the street. Officers everywhere made a mad dash to not be touched by the cloud of green death, along with pedestrians who were shrieking and pushing to get out of the cloud's way.

Several minutes later, after the gas finally dispersed, the Joker was discovered to have escaped once again. If only they knew he was right beneath their feet right now.

* * *

The Gotham sewers have always been home to the criminal elements of the town, often used as a hideout, escape route, and general location for dumping bodies. The Joker used the sewers for these reasons and more.

He was currently cooking a hotdog on a stick over a small fire, whistling an odd tune to himself quietly. A few minutes later, a mysterious dark shadow appeared behind him. Noticing the shadow, he turned around and waved happily to his new acquaintance. "Batman, I thought you would never arrive. And that would've been rude after all the trouble I made preparing your lunch. Hotdog?"

Batman ignored the overcooked meat the Joker extended to him. "You stole five hundred thousand dollars and burned it so you can cook hotdogs?" he said, his voice gravely and tough.

"Well, I would've gotten something better, but I was in a hurry. And I know how your hours conflict with our personal time, so I thought I'd do some robbing and surprise you."

Before the Joker could react Batman slammed his foot in is face, the force of the hit sending him across the tunnel a good couple of feet. Jumping back on his feet with that impeccable grin of his face, he cracked his neck and gloved hands. "Well, well, Batsy, going rough right away. You naughty boy."

Batman began running towards his foe, jumping in the air while bringing his foot up in a flying kick. Before the kick could connect with the Joker's grinning face, he disappeared, leaving only empty air for Batman to fall through. He heard that familiar laugh behind him.

The Jokers was slapping his sides, wiping fake tears from his eyes, "Ha ha ha ha ha! Come now Batsy, is that all you got. The years haven't been good to you by the looks of it."

Once again Batman tried to attack the Jokers with a leg sweep, but the notorious villain disappeared out of thin air. "Really, have our little squabbles gotten this bad?" the Joker whispered over Batman's shoulder. "I remember when I'd strap you down over a pool of boiling acid and you'd escape, punching me repeatably in the face until I uttered my safe word 'I surrender'. Oh, to be young again."

Suddenly a batarang cut through the air in the Joker's direction. He vanished like before, and Batman knew he would appear behind him. In one quick motion with his hand he threw the other batarang he was concealing directly behind him to the newly teleported Joker. This time the Joker didn't disappear like before, only managing to dodge the batarang by ducking out of cover to the left.

Picking himself off the ground, the Joker noticed a small tear in his jacket from where the batarang managed to hit him. "Now Batso, you ruined another one of my suits. I swear I go through more of these things in a week than most men do in their lifetime."

"Enough jokes Joker. How are you able to teleport like that?" Batman angrily demanded.

Joker, always the one to gloat, revealed a small box device with a red switch on top that he hid in his sleeve. "I owe it all to this little beauty. Picked it up from LexCorp during my last breakout from Arkham. Some prototype for a short distance teleporter, but after a couple of quick modifications from me, it's up and functioning like a dream. Imagine what crimes I can do now Batman. Stealing, blackmailing, murdering, all now effortless with this little device in my hand. And there's nothing you can do about it."

However, while Joker was busy showing off, Batman stealthily snuck up and planted a mean uppercut to the villain's pointy chin. The force of the blew sent him careening backwards into a nearby filth covered wall. Sliding to the ground, the teleporter device fell from Joker's hand.

Before the Joker could grab it, it was crushed underneath batman's boot, electricity and sparks flying off the broken machine. "You broke another one of my toys! No fun, no fun at all!" the Joker shouted, hastily trying in vain to put together the bits of the teleportation device.

Suddenly the electricity from the device started discharging more and more, until the Joker was engulfed by the blue electrical sparks. On his feet now, he dusted himself off, adjusting his lavender jacket and ruffled shirt. Aware that he was fully enveloped in the teleporter's field, he did not budge from his spot. Whether it was because of the powerful pull of the teleporter, or just because he didn't want to move, Batman didn't know.

"Well Batsy, looks like I'll be off," the Joker said to the shocked Batman. "But don't worry, I'll make sure to get you something _special_. Don't make Gotham too boring while I'm gone!" With a final wave farewell, the Joker dissolved into the blue light emitted by the electricity, not before laughing joyfully as he departed. After a bright flash, the only trace that was left of Joker was a burned smudge on the floor and smoke resembling his figure.

Batman stared in disbelief at the spot where the Joker was standing only moments ago. Bending down to examine the soot from where the Joker did his final teleportation, Batman knew he'd have his hands full tracking down his missing foe. If he could track him at all is still in question.

* * *

In an entirely different setting, and dimension, six ponies were currently walking down a long red carpet with beautifully crafted stained glass windows depicting ancient scenes of Equestrian history along the walls. One window in particular actually showed these very six ponies defeating a mismatched dark foe in a brilliant beam of magic.

Stopping near a grand throne at the end of the room, all six ponies bowed down to the elegant alicorn, whose multi colored spectral mane awed any who laid eyes on it, along with a royal crown.

Celestia rose from her throne and addressed the ponies. "Twilight and friends, I thank you all for meeting me here. We have much to discuss."

Applejack, ever the eager and impatient pony, spoke first, "If ya don't mind me askin' Princess, what are we doin here anyway?"

"Applejack!" Twilight said, "I explained on the train trip over here that we were personally hired by Princess Celestia to host the Grand Galloping Gala."

"Oh, right. Sorry bout that sugarcube. You were goin' on and on, I guess I kinda blacked our fer a little bit."

Twilight rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance. "I hope you girls will at least take this seriously. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to throw the biggest pastry of the year for the Canterlot nobility."

"That's right Twilight," Celestia said patiently, "I am sure your last visit to the Galla wasn't an overly enjoyable experience. Which is why this year I want all of your help in setting it up. You all did such marvelous work at Shining Armor and Cadence's wedding that I knew you'd really liven up the Galla this year."

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Pinkie Pie was bouncing up and down in bursts of excitement, clearly ecstatic about throwing another party. "This is going to be the best Grand Galloping Galla ever! It's gonna be known as the Mega Galloping Galla, no, the Super Galloping Galla, no, the Ultra Super Mega Awesome Galloping Gallapalooza!"

"Okay darling. No need to get over excited," Rarity said to Pinkie, before realizing who she was talking to. "At least tone it down when the aristocrats arrive."

Pinkie perked up. "Cats! That's what the theme of the party will be! We'll have have cat costumes and cat cupcakes and cat balloons and cat-"

"Pinkie, I said aristocrats. Not cats," Rarity calmly explained to her over zealous friend.

"-and actual cats can be there! We'll put one in each party gift so everypony can have a kitty! Then we'll have cat cake and cat pie and cat sandwiches, not actual sandwiches made from cats, just some that look like them. And then we'll-"

The other ponies soon tuned out the sound of Pinkie's constant gabber, a trick they learned early on in her company. "Rainbow Dash," Princess Celestia said, "If you can do the honors of doing a Sonic Rainboom at the stroke of midnight, that would be greatly appreciated. I'm sure all the party goers will be amazed at your performance."

"Sure thing Commander in Chief!" Rainbow Dash shouted, swelling her chest and saluting. "I never did a Sonic Rainboom at night before, but I'm sure it's going to be awesome!"

Celestia then addressed Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy, who was quiet the entire time in the throne room. "Applejack, you'll be in charge of cooking. Fluttershy will be in charge of music with the birds. And I'm sure you Miss Rarity will love to make another batch of dresses for your friends."

Each pony nodded eagerly, happy to do their part. Turning to Twilight, Celestia said, "I'll also need your help as royal organizer of party officiations. Think you can handle the job?"

"You can count on me Princess! I won't let you down!" Twilight's said, her smile filled with pride.

"Okay then my little ponies. Let's get to work!"

At that exact moment, something unexpected happened.

* * *

While I'm no expert on trans-dimensional traveling and how one actually does such a thing, this wasn't the first time Joker had popped up in an entirely different universe all together. What they never did tell you in the movies and comic books (and for good reason) is that you puke when crossing the rift between worlds. A lot. You know how people get queazy at sea, or during air travel, or even in a car? Times that by a hundred and you understand how bad you get when teleporting between dimensions.

Thankfully for the Joker, he was an experienced dimensional tourist, and only felt slight discomfort in his stomach. The paling of the skin that many travelers experience wasn't even noticeable on the Joker's white complexion.

After several minutes (or several eons, dimensional travel is screwy like that) the blue tunnel of ever changing light began to grow brighter, until a literal light at the end of the tunnel appeared before him. Adjusting his suit once again (always got to make the first impression count), he prepared for whatever world he shall arrive in.

* * *

The blue orb of light appeared out of nowhere near the throne, blue cackling electricity emitting from its center. Fluttershy hid herself in a small ball, hoping to be unnoticeable to the strange orb of light. Applejack and Rainbow Dash took defensive positions, although both were nervous (and a little scared, but they'd never admit that) at what the light meant. Rarity stared, fascinated at the glittering orb, while Twilight was confused why a orb emitting a strange blue light and electricity could even be there. And of course Pinkie Pie was still going over party plans, not even noting the orb's mysterious arrival.

Celestia approached the orb apprehensively, ready to protect her ponies in case it got dangerous. All ponies, except Fluttershy who was covering her head and Pinkie Pie because she was still rambling on, gawked at how the orb grew larger, the electrical sparks becoming more and more violent. Eventually, like a water balloon filled with too much water, it popped.

Blue smoke exploded in all directions, the occasional spark drifting in the field of smokey blue. Flapping her large wings, Celestia was able to dispel most of the smoke to the edges of the room, except in the center where the orb originated at. Hidden in the smog was a tall figure, its form and shape indiscernible.

After several seconds of tense silence, the figure moved. It seemed to be approaching the girls. Leaping into the figure's path, Celestia shouted, "Stop! Take no step further!"

It ignored her, instead it continued to walk ever closer, until the smoke finally stopped clinging to its body, and the ponies got their first look at the bizarre creature.

It stood about six feet tall, with a lanky, yet wiry, body. Its skin was a bleached white, its hair a messy bright green, its lips ruby red, and it had a pair of crimson irises tinged with yellow eyes. Its clothing was the strangest thing about it. A royal purple tailored suit, a carrot orange shirt, a sewage green vest, a green string bow tie, matching light purple gloves, and impressively made shoes. The outfit was completed with a bright yellow flower on its jacket. It was like a colorblind child dressed themselves in a costume store.

Both the creature and the ponies stared at each other, the ponies stupefied at the creature's unexpected arrival, the creature mildly amused at the sight of the ponies. Slowly, its rudy lips parted to reveal dark yellow teeth that looked like they haven't met a toothbrush in years. The lips soon resembled a smile, ringed with laugh lines.

The ponies were familiar with large grins, which they've seen plenty of in Pinkie's company. But this smile, it stretched from ear to ear, psychotically so, an unnatural sight that was made only worse by the devious gleam in the creature's eyes.

"Well, if it isn't some colorful midget horse thingies! And here I am without any carrots and sugar cubes!" it said, the voice clearly male. Hearing it speaking Equestrian made the ponies gape in surprise. Rarity, in an act of overreaction, fainted.

Noticing the fainted mare, the Joker said, "Was it something I said?"


End file.
